You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
