I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers