so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.