If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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