I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
