Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.