Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
