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• (979): View more from Texas

  so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Dinner?

  (713): View more from Texas

  YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!

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• (916): View more from California

  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.

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