sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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