So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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