i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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