how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
