Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.