Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
a search helicopter?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.