Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
