I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.