Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.