Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?