DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
