The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
