You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
