I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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