Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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