Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
