Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
