New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
