In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
