It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
