I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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