Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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