It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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