and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
