Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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