he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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