I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
