yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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