hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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