I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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