Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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