OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
