Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
