If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
