and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
