i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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