i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
