Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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