yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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