it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
