Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it because I queefed?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
