Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
