he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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