forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
