I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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