when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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