dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize