you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
