Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
