When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
