So drunk its hurt
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
