Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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