We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
