I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
