if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
