his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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