yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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