I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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