My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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