at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
