I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
