Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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