they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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