i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
