I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
