he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
