i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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