You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
