It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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