ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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