Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
