You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
