tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
