I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
