Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Barsexuality is the new black.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
