If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
