I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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