PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize