He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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