Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
