Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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