I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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