i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
