The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
