I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
