He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
