At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
