I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
