I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
