So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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