the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?