That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
