We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.