The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.