oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
