You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
